When someone tells me I can't do something, I wanna rebel and do it. Like when someone tells me "You can't live on pleasure alone" it makes me want to uncover whether or not I truly can. I heard that from someone who knew very well the trauma I have surrounding pleasure. More specifically, the trauma surrounding guilt. Ever heard of the term "guilt syndrome"?
The term "guilt syndrome" is also known as "survivor guilt" surrounding the guilt some survivors experience for having survived a traumatic event that others did not survive. This could be war, natural disasters or a school shooting. The survivor will feel guilty for having survived something that they experienced with others. They can question "Why me?" "Why did I survive?" "Am I meant to do something bigger in my life - serve a larger purpose?" "Am I allowed to be non-productive?" "Am i allowed to be at peace?" "Am I allowed to exist?" "Am I allowed to seek pleasure, the mundane, indulge in luxuries?"
You are never alone
Do you relate wholly or somewhat to the above intrusive thoughts? The bad news is that others can relate to you. The good news is that others can relate to you. We are never alone in our neurotics. We are never alone in our traumas. We are never alone. There is always someone who has experienced what you have experienced, perhaps not exactly and that is your uniqueness. And perhaps they aren't able to express it exactly like you. But there will always be someone who has been through it! And absolutely you are allowed to live for pleasure.
Please... pleasure yourself. Seek pleasure. Live in pleasure. I love pleasure. Do you love pleasure? I am so pleased with you. I am so pleased with me. I am so pleased with pleasure. Pleasure makes me feel warmth and light. My pleasure attracts the moth and the parasites but my pleasure also attracts the caterpillars and butterflies. My pleasure. When someone tells me I can't do something, I wanna rebel and do it. Like when someone tells me "You can't live on pleasure alone" it makes me want to uncover whether or not I truly can. I heard that from someone who knew very well the trauma I have surrounding pleasure. More specifically, the trauma surrounding guilt. Ever heard of the term "guilt syndrome"? I had no clue that what i was feeling had a term to it. But then again, most things have a term, and while I examine the possible danger of finding terms for every little quirk we have (which could further cause unnecessary split and complication of our mental health, then let us examine the concept of guilt.
You have the permission
I don't know who took away your joy and your ability to indulge in pleasure but if you need external permission, I hereby extend to you. I release you of all the sul contract that were assigned to you without your consent. I release all your bondage from the feeling of guilt associated with feeling pleasure, with enjoying the foods you love and with touching yourself, with taking a nap and with saying no to things that don't vibrate with your soul, with cutting ties with people without explanation, with everything that you do that causes you pleasure as long as it doesn't harm other people, as long as it doesn't harm a child that depends on you, as long as your temporary pleasures don't cause permanent damage to others, I congratulate you on your pleasure.